The Last Of The 90's Breed

Similar to the impractical concept that women should be raised to aspire to marriage and raise children as a stay at home mom, while cooking and cleaning in order to please a husband and society’s standards; Toxic masculinity is another radical notion that is stemmed from society’s image that boys/men must be tough at all times.

Due to the extreme pressures to act masculine, this concept idealizes aggression, homophobia, domination, and misogyny in order to define or express “manhood”. The red flags that may begin to rear their alarming little heads in the beginning of a relationship can often be related to toxic masculinity and may not always, but can easily lead to violence.

These red flags can be the worst of the worst in reference to alarming relationship behavior, and can often be harder to face once initially ignored. From anti-feministic views and refusing self-care, to sexual aggression and bullying/violence.

How does this embedded notion of toxic masculinity affect one’s ego, mental health, and relationships? What are the signs to look for when facing the reality of possibly dealing with toxic masculinity in adolescence or in adult relationships?

Here, readers can gain insight on the topic, along with some examples for assistance in recognizing this extremely alarming and harmful kind of behavior.

It is commonly said that when a little boy likes a little girl, he will begin to bully her.

“He’s only being mean to you, because he likes you!”

This is a poisoning concept for both boys and girls to grow up practicing and believing; a concept in the form of toxic masculinity, being taught to kids at a young age which can alter their egos and relationships as they grow.

Women tend to be more attracted to “the bad guys”, as opposed to the good ones. Another saying that fits in with toxic masculinity is,

“Good guys finish last.”

For a little girl grow up believing that a boy could possibly be bullying her, because he likes her, is something that can most certainly follow her into adulthood.

After growing accustomed to this corrupted sentiment, a woman can become profoundly comfortable with the idea that it is okay for men to show romantic or sexual interest with aggression as an adult, because of what has been taught in childhood.

Could this possibly be tied to the reason why a good percentage of women are attracted to assholes?

Toxic masculinity can obviously start on the playground and can gradually develop with a boy as he grows into adolescence and adulthood. It is common for boys/men to always feel the need to be “hard” or “macho” in order to:

A. Hide true emotion
B. Express romantic interest
C. Assert

When attempting to recognize toxic masculinity, understand that all of the above can turn into exceedingly alarming behavior, which can ultimately lead to anger/violence and sexual harassment/assault.

Here is a very personal and absolutely crude, but wildly pertinent and prime example of facing these types of behaviors:

When I was in middle school, there was an evening awards ceremony to be held inside the school, that everyone was to get dressed up for.

One of the popular boys (that had never paid attention to me before) must have thought I looked nice that day; while all the kids were in the hallway talking to their friends, he ran over and slapped my ass, while his friends watched and laughed.

When I yelled, “Don’t touch me!”- He turned back around and yelled, “BITCH!”…
As if I had offended him!

This is arguably the utmost fathomable, flawless, and precisely lucid illustration of how the ideology of a simple phrase, (that started on the playground) can overwhelmingly damage one’s subconscious to substantially boundless limits.

This little boy was attempting to impress his friends, (Assert masculinity) by “flirting” with me (Express romantic interest) in the form of sexual assault… (Hide true emotion) It’s possible he truly believed that girls enjoy that kind of flirting… or maybe not.

Maybe… he was actually hiding his true emotions of his interest in a female, by expressing himself in an aggressively masculine manner. In other words, he was being an asshole.

Toxic masculinity influences the ego, which alters both personal and professional relationships. It can set in at an early age and follow one into adulthood. It directly impairs how life could be experienced.

It is imperative to understand toxic masculine behavior in the very beginning of a romantic relationship.

Not being able to recognize this type of behavior before a relationship gets serious, is the reason why relationships turn violent and sadly, sometimes fatal.

How can it be known to keep far away from this alarming nature, if it’s not understood as an extremely dangerous problem?

“Boys will be boys / Men will be men”

This common phrase is just overflowing with toxic masculinity, when pertaining to this particular description of character. This saying basically signifies the acceptance and establishes the very sexist view point regarding the standards of the behavior of a male.

Essentially, society has led us to believe that boys/men will act in certain instances, because they are, in fact, boys/men. Radically insisting generation after generation, that

“It’s in a boy’s/man’s nature to act a certain way.“

What an absolute asinine and incredibly insensitive belief to put out into the world. Yes, some boys/men are drawn to cars, video games, and adrenaline; which can be recognized as commonly natural behavior in males, but not always.

So, when a 21 year old boy rapes a girl at a frat party, and his lawful punishment received is a slap on the wrist to avoid “ruining his future.”

Or when a man feels that he has the supreme right to “punish” a woman in the form of physically brutal assault, because he feels entitled to do so, society is supposed to accept the fact that it’s just in a boy’s/man’s nature to act this way?

No, absolutely not. This is a veraciously objectionable and repulsive belief, and is in no way, shape, or form; natural.

Ladies, if a man is refusing to help out with housework, or automatically expects it to be done, because he believes it is a “woman’s job”, run. If a man is refusing self-care or medical attention on that fungus infested toe nail, just because he’s “a man” – RUN.

If he is constantly cheating because he feels entitled to do so, regulating the outfits you choose to wear and the time spent with friends, or talks down on your feminist empowering beliefs – GET OUT!

All these things are beginning signs of very controlling and toxic masculine behavior.

Personally, I can have extreme rebellious reactions when I feel that I am being controlled in my relationship; I act out.

Oh, you’re telling me that my shirt is too small/tight? Okay, I’ll go find a smaller/tighter one.

I’m supposed to what? Come home early, act ladylike, cook/clean, and ask permission?

Frankly, I’m not supposed to do a damn thing.

My assertively strong and feministic, but righteous rebellions, have often led to aggressive/violent responses. All there is to say about that is a dog has the kind of courage to fight back when being attacked; women do too.

Control and respect are 2 completely different things. I love to cook/clean, get dressed up, and be “girly” at times… sometimes I don’t. And that should be okay. I will respect my relationship; that is a given. I will NOT be controlled in my relationship. It’s honestly that simple.

I can be difficult to love, but I don’t believe I am wrong. A woman is only “difficult” when she refuses the “norm.”

If a relationship is being controlled with toxic masculinity, it is not a happy one. If anything, it’s just familiar; and this is such a sad reality to live in. Life is too short.

For the humans (males/females) that are living their lives in the shadows of the standards of society, please understand this very simple message:

We are not supposed to and we do not have to.

With Love, E.